4 hours and counting

...to 2011. I can't say I'm sad to see the end of 2010. Yet I need to look at the good things as well. Things like the better relationship with my bro and sis-in-law. And, we are no longer in the "Squeeze Generation." (Or rather, our "squeezing" is over, at least.)  We've learned a ton this year through all of the stresses and challenges, the living and the dying. I'm sure there's so much more to learn as we continue to process it all.  Mom always reminded me, "God hasn't promised skies always blue, flower-strewn pathways all our life through..."

I do want to take a minute to say goodbye to "Grandpa," (Craig's father). We've learned a lot from him while he was here. Grandpa came to Gretna on Valentine's Day, 2008, moving into assisted living close to our home. I am really impressed by all of the trips Craig made to ensure coffee was made, coffee cake was cut and all of the necessities were stocked. Even though his visits were short, he gave all he had to give, and he gave faithfully. In turn, I believe that God worked forgiveness in his heart, as only He can do. Although there were difficulties, hospitalizations, uncomfortable "unfiltered" discussions and lots of loneliness, I am sad to see him go. I know that's what he wanted--to finally be with Kay. Rest in peace, Grandpa.

Looking ahead...I choose to trust in my Father, who knows what's best for me, even when times seem hard. I hope I can spend more quality time with Him this year. I'm looking forward to the addition to our family...little baby Johnson in August. I'm looking forward to visiting Seattle again, and celebrating RN graduation, and helping Beck and Chris move in, and babysitting for Johanna (and telling her more about Jesus), and visiting my friends in Big Trout Lake, (and who knows, maybe going somewhere else, too). Most of all, I am praying that God's plan unravels for me and for you. The year 2010 was an indication that on this side of heaven, life's a battle. Thank God it doesn't belong to us--the Lord is fighting on your behalf...and mine!

Happy New Year!

Cozy fire and sleeping kitties

Where does the time go? God has brought me through so many things this year, it feels like I woke up and it's almost Christmas! (Which it is...but still...) Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas. I just don't like all the extra work it is. These last few days I have enjoyed sitting in front of the fireplace (burning real wood, I might add), and reading, sleeping, or watching football. What I'd love to do is just put up my tree, and see how much energy I have after that. What I'd enjoy is to spend time with my family making cut-out cookies and puppy chow without feeling exhausted. What I'd really like is to sit before the fire with hot...well, hot something...and read, hang out with the sleepy cats, and watch the Badgers and the Packers win.

Hey, I think it's time to do all those things I enjoy. If I have time, I'll send out Christmas cards and write that "interesting, witty, yet certainly-not-bragging" Christmas newsletter. If I have time, I'll put some lights outside. If I have time, I'll go out and shop for that special gift-you-always-wanted--but-not-really. In the meantime...

Yeah, in the meantime, I plan to spend as much time as possible my husband of 32 years. And with my 14 month-old grandduaghter, who's struggling with a rare blood disorder. I'll spend as much time as possible with her mom, who's been cooped up in the house for weeks with a sick toddler who doesn't want to sleep. I'll spend as much time as possible with son Andrew and daughter-in-love Michelle, and Seattle daughter Maribeth (when she gets home~!)  Because I've realized this year--and God help me remember--that it's not how much stuff you get done, and it's not how perfect the house looks. No, it's all about the time you take to share the Jesus-in-you with your family and friends. And, it's about realizing how blessed you are that you're a child of the King of the Universe, and there's nothing...nothing...that He can't handle.

Happy Thanksgiving! Be blessed, not stressed, my much-loved family and friends!

Celebrating 32 Years

After a few months of a very hectic, busy, stressful summer, I finally spent a whole month at home. It was kind of weird, but good just the same. I loved spending time with the kitties, hanging out with the my sweet granddaughter and great kids, feeding the last of the summer birds, (especially enjoying the several hummers that we've had), pulling weeds, trimming bushes, and getting back into a routine. 

Craig and I celebrate 32 years of marriage
This is "high tea" at The Empress, Victoria, BC
(fulfills a life-long dream of mine)

HOWEVER, I knew it wouldn't last long. Craig and I had a trip planned to celebrate 32 years together. We spent a week in Washington/Victoria, BC visiting Maribeth, checking out potential retirement spots, and just having a good time together. I am SO THANKFUL for the beautiful weather! 



Beautiful downtown and the Space Needle
from the rooftop of MB's apartment



Doc

Towards the end of our trip, I quietly asked my dear hubby if I could stay another week in Seattle at MB's. I felt I could use a little relaxation and down time following the busy-ness of the week before. Besides, the last time I was in Seattle I did a lot of work helping with the move. I was looking forward to visiting the new areas that Maribeth had explored and learning a little more about her new life in Washington. I needed to meet the new "grand-kitty" too...Doc (also known as Monkey). He's a special little guy with some disabilities, but he's acclimating very well to his new loving environment.



Maribeth and Mom in Seattle near her apartment

I thank God for the ability to travel, for good health, for special times with family and friends, for the beauty of His creation, and many other things--too numerous to count. Thank you, Lord, for this time of refreshing!

Time to Move On (Cuz Time DOES Move on!)

I'm in a place where I haven't been for (nearly) 30 years...alone with my husband. It's time to reconnect, I'd say. I'm pretty sure neither one of us knows how to do this. I mean. THIRTY YEARS! More than half of my life has been spent with babies/toddlers/pre-schoolers/primary-graders/junior highers (awkward!)/high-schoolers/collegiates/young adults. Whew! What a ride! I AM SO BLESSED! I wouldn't have traded one second of it. In fact, as I look back, I see that everything...yes, EVERYTHING...has been used by God to shape me into the mother/wife/woman I've become. Wow! HOW DOES HE DO THAT?!?


What I feel I want to do now is give "advice." Give "encouragement." ("Clap" so-to-speak.) I'm too old to dance (not really, but I never was very good at it. Stupid German background... er, love you Mom and Dad!), but I'm not too old to clap along with the music. To stand on the stage of life and hoot and hollar and help the youngsters of these days to keep their eyes on Jesus, the Author, AND PERFECTOR (His words, not mine) of our faith. With God's help.
Oh, and if anyone is wondering, the hair is going natural. (well, mostly.) It's time to be REAL during this "movin' on time."

She's HOME

Mom lived just two weeks after she asked the question, "Will it ever get better than this?"; two weeks after we all decided she should move on to hospice care.  She passed into the loving arms of her Savior on Sunday, June 27th at 6:45 p.m. I was blessed to be there with her as she took her final breaths. I've never been with someone who's passed from this life to the next, so I had some thoughts as to what it might be like. (I kept wanting to ask her, "What's it like?" "Do you see dad?" "Is it just amazing?") Instead, there seemed to be a "holy hush" in the room. My favorite calming piano-worship CD was playing in the room, the chaplain had just been there, and I had just tearfully said good-bye to the woman who gave me life, in addition to adding my own prayers of thanksgiving for her. I sat down on the love seat, watching her struggle to breathe. Suddenly, she took three short breaths, and then there was quiet. I got up and walked over to her bedside, then pressed the "NURSE" button. "Um, I think she's not breathing," I said not-so-bravely. I swear the nurse had been standing outside the door. She was in the room in a flash, guiding me through the next few moments as we took Mom's hands and waited a few minutes to make sure. I will likely never forget those moments, nor will I forget how God blessed me that day with a few precious hours spent in mom's room with my dear cousins. She's HOME!

Helen Mae Siering (Moser)
June 13, 1925 - June 27, 2010. 

Thank you, Jesus, for taking her to be with You. Mom's battle is over!

Finally, we've made it to the last stage of Mom's life. We just moved her into Aurora's Zilber Hospice in Wauwatosa, Wisconsin. This beautiful room overlooking a lovely patio, complete with finch feeder will be her final resting spot here on earth. Although the nurses at St. Luke's were wonderful, I'm glad to get away from the beeping, interrupting, stressful atmosphere of the hospital. It's quiet here, just the bubbling of the oxygen humidifier to lull us to sleep. (I'm beginning to love that sound! Might need to check into something that bubbles for my bedroom.) Mom's resting comfortably, and seems in a much better mood today. They gave her a transfusion yesterday, so she got a little "boost" to help her make the transition comfortably. She's a little more talkative today. I got to ask her the "what year did you get married?" question as well as "tell me your father's first name again?"Though I'm sure it won't be long, only the Lord knows when she'll get to go Home. I hope to enjoy these days with her, no matter how much time is left.

So glad

Anyone out there remember Carol Burnette's show-ending jingle, "I'm so glad we've had this time together...just to have a laugh or sing a song. Seems we just get started and before you know it...comes the time we have to say 'so long.'" ?? It's been a whirlwind few months, back and forth from Omaha to Milwaukee just about every other week. I've jokingly said that I go to clean out the refrigerator in each location. I've also said, "I need to leave...there's no more food at this house!"


So here I am, back in Milwaukee, only this trip finds me in Room 12127, the south tower of St. Luke's Hospital. Mom is on oxygen, breathing shallowly. Leukemia cells seem to have multiplied in the last few weeks. This stinks. I hate that she has to go. Yet I know I'll see her some day, and she'll get to celebrate with Jesus. No more tears, sorrow, anxious moments, or worries. Just peace. And love. And joy. All things will be good. But for now, it stinks.

Tonight I'm sitting all alone in the living room. I didn't catch the cooking shows today, or repeats of the news and weather, or tonight's reruns of NCIS. In fact, I was almost tempted to turn on the news, but I watched it a few times in the hospital this afternoon. I'm guessing nothing has changed. Yet, as I ponder about this time, I'm thankful that all the grandchildren got to make the trip to spend time with their Grammy. I'm thankful that baby Johanna got to meet her great-grandmother. I'm thankful for all the times we had together, especially these last few months. God has given me lots and lots of memories, and allowed us to walk through this time together as a family. I'm so glad.

Walking Shoes

This blog posting is in honor of my one reader...thank you! (You know who you are!) The past month (April, and now half of May, so I guess that's more like six weeks), I have been flying back and forth to Wisconsin from Omaha, with a week-long side trip to Edmonton thrown in.  I am so thankful to have had this time to spend with my Mom. We have had some very special moments together that I will cherish always.  The days are getting more difficult for her, however, and we can all see that her time on earth is getting shorter.  I have heard the Lord say that we are to walk this path together as a family, for however long it is, as He has much for us to learn.  I've put on my walking shoes!  I'm ready for whatever the path springs on me. That's only because I have my eyes (usually) fixed on the Light that's directing me, ("Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." Psalm 119:105), and not the thorns or the rocks or the snakes. Thank God once again, this battle's not mine! Besides...in the words of my good friend Mike, "WE WIN!"

In the process, (this is a real bargain!), I'm getting to know my new sister-in-law, and am developing a better relationship with my brother. I've made friends with the girls at their home (dogs--Missie and Hannah--they look forward to my coming, and pout when I leave!). My family, and the kitties, are learning they can survive without me (barely, I know! :), and we're all learning more about ourselves, the life we live now, and the life we'll live forever with Jesus.

Do you know my Jesus?

Not Ready

I was just thinking...Mom, I'm not ready. I know you're 84 years old, but I'm just not ready to lose you yet. That's selfish, isn't it? I'm pretty sure you're not ready to leave yet, either. I keep thinking, we don't get to "pick." God's already chosen that date for us. Ecclesiastes says there's "a time to be born and a time to die." Well, I'm not ready for your time. Then again, I suppose I shall never be ready. It's just, this last week has been so much fun! I love being with you, and talking with you, and caring for you. I love that you're "quiet as a little mouse" when you get up early to take your medicine, making sure you don't wake me on the couch where I sleep. How you watch TV without the sound--or closed caption--is beyond me! I love it when you make a funny remark and then giggle.  (Like the joke about my "nighttime attire,"--sweat pants and a t-shirt.) I love how we share chocolate together after a meal. Hmmm...guess you could say, "I love you!" Reminds me of that book, I'll Love You Forever. "I'll love you forever. I'll love you for always. As long as I'm living, my mommy you'll be!"

Headin' North (and it's not me this time!)

I was talking to my dear mom on the phone the other day when I noticed a large flock of birds flying over the house. White, with black wing tips, I identified them as Snow Geese. Having just moved my desk next to the window, I watched all day as hundreds and hundreds of geese flew swiftly overhead. (So much for "working!") At one point I went out on the porch to listen to them. What a beautiful sound!  Spring is indeed almost here (even though it snowed 4 inches that same day!). Spring makes me think of "new life," like the new life I have in Christ. I am His daughter. I ponder the really new life that my 84 year-old mom will have someday soon, as she struggles with leukemia . This quote really ministered to me today: she's not "going" anywhere, she's "coming" to be with Jesus! Mom, the battle's not yours...it's already won! Your Savior Jesus conquered death and the grave so you don't have to. I love you!! Jesus loves you!!  Fear not. "Behold," He says, "I make all things new!"

He Sings Over You!

I recently travelled to Wisconsin to see Mom--spent the week with her while brother Jim and his wife Lynn went to Florida. Ahhh, tempted to be jealous, except it was almost warmer in the midwest! We had a great time together; went out for lunch(es), shopped, had coffee at St. Arbucks, watched the Olympics, discussed current events, past events, present events, and even non-events. Unfortunately, Mom got sick the week after I left. She's in the hospital now in Burlington. We laughingly talked about how she "keeled over" after walking into the kitchen. Thankfully, God has been watching over her, and got her the help she needed.  We've both been reminded that He loves us so much...this morning He whispered quietly to me that He rejoices over me with singing (Zephaniah 3:17).  This holds true for you, too! Listen to God's Word and let it penetrate your heart:  "Our God is mighty to save! He takes great delight in you!! He wants to quiet you with His love, and rejoice over you with singing!" ...the battle's not ours. THANK GOD!

Winter blahs

I love this picture. It tells the story of life in Omaha, Nebraska, circa 2009-2010. December, January, February. Snow, snow, snow. Ice, a little melting (not enough though), then more ice, more snow, etc. etc. etc., till everyone feels like they're about to go crazy!! So many are grumbling about the cold, the snow; the sloppy, dirty mess that boots and shoes track through the house. I must admit, I've joined the ranks of whiners occasionally (especially when it comes to the dirt in the house!). Yet I must admit, this here's another battle that's not ours! And, really, in the big scheme of life, how can we even waste our breath complaining about the weather? Note to self: God is in complete control--even if it does look more like Edmonton than Nebraska!! By the way...the shovel?...that's the beginning of the driveway! The snow was too deep for the plow to get through, so we had to shovel it by hand! Ahhh...good times! The "Winter of 2009"--one for the record book!